Benji's Diary


Day 1
Today, Joel told me that i should keep a diary of our expierences on the warped tour. At first, i thought the idea was dumb, pointless, and stupid. But..after Joel pulled out his plastic knuckles (he's saving up for brass..) and beat me up for awhile, and gave me those wise words he gives so well..."just write the freakin diary fucktard" I decided he was right, and so, i start this diary.
Well anyway, today..we played a show, like we do every other day. Strange things have been going on with billy though, he walked around in a circle for three hours saying, "The walls are not going to close in" at different pitches. And then, after awhile he just collapsed and went into convulsions..wait a sec..thats not strange...that happens pretty much everyday..ok yeah..ok i gotta go find a chick to make out with...



Day 2
Today, i wrote a song. I called it "Anarchy in the Bus". It was basically just about how I am an anarchist, and i want to be anarchy. Paul said something about how it sounded incredibly similar to "Anarchy in the UK" by the sex pistols. Realizing i had been caught, i tried to deny it by telling him i had never heard of the band, "sex pistols". Then, he pointed out that i worship sid vicious. At this point, i just stared at him for a long time and simply said, "shut up"
So after my song "Anarchy in the Bus" had been ruined by Paul...i decided to present another song to teh band that i wrote. This one was called, "Waldorf Stateside". Again, stupid Paul sat there and told me that we had already recorded that song and all i was doing was changing the title. That Paul, I think he might have to be killed soon.....



Day 3
Something strange happened today. I called my house. The answering machine came on..and all it said was "Bob's House of Tarot Cards is Temporaily Closed". Weird.



Day 4
Joel bitch slapped me today because i haven't been writing about the tour..sooo..I'll tell you about breakfast this morning. We had scrambled eggs. And Joel, Billy, and I got in line to get some. Billy was served a whole plate ful, which believe me, was strange. Then, the guy only gave Joel about a half of plate. Joel flipped out. He started yelling about how he "didn't git no eggs cause da bitch is tryin to hold da man down" and stuff. It was kind of scary. He then said, "I guess i gots ta show ya'll who yous is messin wit." At this point i thought he was gonna beat everyone up..but..he did something i never would have expected. He sat down on the floor indian style and said, "I ain't movin, or breathin till i git more eggs!" and he sat there, and held his breath. Everyone just started at him, some people were laughing. Meanwhile i got my eggs, pretty good eggs. But..eventually Joel passed out. When he woke up though, they gave him some more eggs. He seemed happy.



Day 5
K so ever since Paul outted me about my two songs, i've decided to trick him! I made a song called, "Anarchy in Waldorf" I swear i am so brilliant! Its the verse for "anarchy in the UK" and the chours for "waldorf worldwide". He'll never know!!!
We were on stage today and Billy layed down and started crying. We had to stop the show and everything. We pulled him off stage and asked him what was wrong..and he told us...something horrible...he left his favorite bankie at the hotel the night before..



Day 6
Today, Paul and Joel just started staring at each other, adn haven't stopped. Its been insane. The whole time we were on stage they were staring at each other. I think Paul likes the way Joel's eyes sparkle.
I played the song for everyone today..you know.."Anarchy in Waldorf" Paul just kinda moaned. I don't think he realized it. God I'm good..



Day 7
I called my house again today..I was happy, it wasn't Bob's Tarot Card House thing anymore..instead..it was Miss Cleo. I asked her if i could talk to my mom and she said my mom had her number changed..she was trying to get away from two burdens in her life..wonder what that could be. But hey..Miss Cleo said I was cheating on my wife and i should stop trying to accuse her of cheating, cool huh?!! hey..wait a sec..i dont have a wife..MISS CLEO SUCKS.
Joel and Paul are STILL staring at each other..kinda strange.



Day 8
K so Billy smells like hampster piss. I think hes been sleeping with his hampsters again. That boy stinks. Joel told him to go take a shower, and billy punched him. I think Joel's getting thugged out so he can go do something mean to billy. He's been in our van screaming and saying, "YO I CAN DO THIS." and "DON'T LET THAT SKINNY BITCH PUNCH YOU" then i just hear crying. Wonder if he's tried calling our house...hm...but anyway..Paul was still staring at him teh whole time..they never once lost eye contact..its kind of freaking me out.



Day 9
Dusty finally decided to talk to us. After days of calling us "talentless posers" he talked to me!! He's kind of nice. He asked me if I wanted to attack Joel with bengay with him tonight..i think thats kinda wrong. Besides, Joel hasn't been sleeping since this whole..Paul staring thing. Yeah whatever..Dusty seems evil. Whenever he says stuff thats mean, his eye twitches.



Day 10
Well today it ended..Joel was looking at Paul (well duh) and he just screamed, "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT FREAK?!" and Paul said, "Joel you have something on the corner of your mouth..i think its a crumb.." Joel then said, "oh" wiped his mouth, and then they both looked away. Wow. That was it.


Thanks again Jamie